As am writing this point of manipulation through and walking it out, I can see that I am scattered. In conjunction with what I am posting here, I am writing incessantly on a certain/specific type of abuse that occurred and the beliefs/systems/behaviors/patterns/personalities I created within/as self. I am not posting all of it because it seems overwhelming. I am, in the best of my ability and understanding of self-forgiveness writing openly and self-honestly.
i forgive myself that I became scattered while writing these points out. i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed this point of being scattered to prevent me from writing on one topic at a time. i commit to assisting and supporting myself by stopping myself when i am aware of being scattered and even write down the topic of manipulation in front of me to get this written out, walk it through and correct this point of being scattered. i commit to stopping myself and breathing. i commit to assisting and supporting myself and slowing down my whole body and clearing my mind of the scattered thoughts that have been in/as/within me. i commit to posting as the internet is available to me.