Out of Manipulation, I Created a Self that is Inferior to all Life

Upon writing out manipulation, I discovered that I created a self that is/was inferior to all life. I created this when I was very young and it has influenced, affected and harmed all aspects of my life. Here is what I discovered:

Creating a Self that is Inferior to all Life

 I forgive myself that I have created within/as self a being that is inferior to all life.

I forgive myself that I allowed and accepted habits, patterns, behaviors, reactions and responses over a lifetime in creating this  inferiority as/within me. I forgive myself that over this lifetime, these habits, patterns, behaviors, reactions and responses have accumulated and it will take time to deconstruct those accumulated behaviors and re-create a self that is equal to all life.

I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am equal to all; all are equal to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see that this was harmful to self and all life here.

I forgive myself that I allow and accept others to be superior to me, including children that I have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting others having the right to be superior over me.

I forgive myself that in the statement “others having the right to be superior over me”, I am reinforcing that I am inferior.

I forgive myself for creating this inferiority as me.

I forgive myself that in creating self as inferior, others are aware and have and will take advantage until I correct this point.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed this inferiority so as to not have to take responsibility for self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self to make inferiority the excuse to not take responsibility for self.

 

When I see within/as myself that I am experiencing inferiority, I stop, I breathe and see that I am no less, nor greater than any life.

When I realize I am experiencing discouragement in not accepting and allowing myself to inferior, I stop, breathe and realize I created this inferiority within/as me over a lifetime and with patience, consistency and self directiveness, I, indeed am creating a self that is equal to all life.

When i realize that I am allowing and accepting my children to act in such a way that I believe I am inferior, I stop, I breathe and focus on the process of creating self as equal, not above or below my children.

When I realize I am acting less than or allowing and accepting myself to be less than those around me, I will stop myself, breathe and I commit to assist and supporting myself in creating a self that is equal to all life.

I commit to un-creating the self as inferior by consistently walking out my equality with all life.

I commit to assisting and supporting myself by not allowing and accepting discouragement through writing this process out, stopping and breathing.

I commit to consistency, patience and self-direct self through practical steps using common sense to be equal to all life.

I commit to not accepting and allowing myself to blame my children for their actions where I have created myself to be inferior to them.

I commit to taking responsibility for myself in creating a self that is equal to all life.

Habits created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life

I don’t go places where I might feel inferior. I shrink inside. A really good example is: I went to a restraint with a guy I like a lot and his friends met us there. I felt lowly, ugly, unaccepted….ugh!!!  ooh, so I drank to try to feel more confident…wtf! That’s just weird.

I realize through self-investigation that  I elevate others by trying to hear about them, their accomplishments;

I talk to animals as if they are superior;

I have given to “worthy causes” to assist them financially because I judge them as “better than me” , thus I have deemed myself lower than the “causes” or the recipients of the money I may give them as in greater need than I am;

I realize that  I will encourage others, not myself.

I realize that I have told  myself “ I suck” lots of times.

I downplay my accomplishments out loud.

I realize that II created others being so much better than me.

I realize I have allow abuse as a result of feeling like I am inferior. I don’t try things, just food dishes not just because I feel inferior but out of fear.

I realize I stopped doing the things I kind of enjoyed:  I used to sing but do not sing in front of others anymore, I slump within/as my body

I realized too that, I will feel pain when I feel less than all life a lot of the times

I realize that I agree with others because I deem them superior, even though, later I am not in agreement with what they think, say or do.

Patterns created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life:

I just keep letting the cycle going, distrusting self, self-doubt,  I dress frumpily, comfortably, but in too big of clothes, I will put myself down,

Behaviors created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life:

Ignoring responsibilities: bills, car maintenance, stay in a “stuck” cycle, give up, allow others to tell what to do, thus, I don’t take responsibility.ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reactions created as a result in creating a being inferior to all life:

Becoming shy, not looking at others, feeling shame, feeling lowly, cough, anxiety, reinforce that I am “stupid” by dumbing down things or conveniently forgetting, not caring to remember or recall something just to reinforce my inferiority, don’t know why I even bother, ask myself, “What’s the point?”

Responses created as a result in creating a being inferior to all life:

Self-hate, self-harm, self-anger, sheepish, low self-esteem, don’t know what to do,( stay stuck), self-doubt,

Feelings associated with feeling inferior created

Sad, stupid, fear, distrust of self/others, useless, hopeless

Times I feel inferior to all life

When I don’t have money, our housing situation, not having a good job, when others are mad at me, when my car breaks down, when I have not met the wants of my children, sometimes needs,  when others have a degree or certification.

This is what I have to post so far, I am deconstructing these points and it takes days sometimes to do so. I will post more soon….

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3 thoughts on “Out of Manipulation, I Created a Self that is Inferior to all Life

  1. […] Out of Manipulation, I Created a Self that is Inferior to all Life (denisesjourneytolife.wordpress.com) […]

  2. […] Out of Manipulation, I Created a Self that is Inferior to all Life (denisesjourneytolife.wordpress.com) […]

  3. […] Out of Manipulation, I Created a Self that is Inferior to all Life (denisesjourneytolife.wordpress.com) […]

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